Why So Many Relationships? by Dr. Dennis W. Neder

Why So Many Relationships?

by: Dr. Dennis W. Neder

Hi Dennis,

I read your books, and like their practicality. I have one question of theoretical nature: why is it that woman usually do have had more previous relationships than men, although they are 'supposed' to be the more monogamous gender? Are they just trying a lot more short-term relationships? As you said, men usually focus on one at a time. This seems counter-intuitive to me as I understand woman.

Along the line, you mentioned their 'monkey-like' 'tree-hopping'; quickly moving on to the next relationship; again counter-intuitive to me what else I know about women. Could you please explain?



Thanks for the comments on the book and for your support! We're constantly getting great reviews and if you'll excuse my arrogance, I've never seen a more complete, practical guide about dating, sex and relationships anywhere else!

I know exactly what you're asking here - and you're right on the damn money! This DOES seem counter-intuitive! In fact, there are a number of reasons why it's true:

1) Women have more opportunities than men.

More men approach women than the other way around. Thus, women have more access to relationships than men do. All a woman has to do is say "yes" - she doesn't have to approach anyone meet shy girl or risk getting rejected.

2) They comfortably overlap relationships.

As you pointed out from the book, women will rarely leave one relationship without having another firmly in place. Thus, as a relationship starts to wither, they will actually seek out another - even if it's not exactly what they want. They might not call this a "relationship", (even though it is) and they honestly think they're just being "strategic".

3) Women define themselves by their relationships unlike us guys that define ourselves by our careers.

Women are under much more self-inflicted pressure to be in relationships. When they're not, they believe they're "losers" and something is wrong with them. Thus, they'll easily move between multiple relationships in trying to find one they want to be in. This causes problems of course in that many women lie about dating multiple men, but as you also know, women are far better liars than men are for this very reason - they have to be!

4) Women will define even minor dating experiences as "relationships" whereas guys don't do this.

When women start dating a guy, they instantly think of themselves as already "with" him. They imagine how their names will look with his last name on a wedding invitation, or how it would be to be addressed as "Mrs. Whatever", etc. Thus, this very act solidifies the relationship in their minds.

This also leads to some nasty breakups where women build the fantasy only later to find out it wasn't true - and they blame the guy for it! Women don't even know they're doing this to themselves!

5) Women also define their male friendships as "relationships".

Many women have guys hanging around them and actually collect these "friends". They intuitively know that these guys only hang around them because they want something more, but since the women control how far things go, they're not motivated to prevent it in the first place. They see this as "gaining experience" or "studying men" and actually believe that these horny guys represent a cross section of most men.

You and I know they don't, but this is exactly where the idea that "men are dogs" comes from - these guys that are always ready to hump their legs!

By the way, as I mention in the book, women won't admit to the real number of relationships they've had! Thus, when a woman tells you that she's had "2" or "3" or whatever, multiply that by at least 2 - and you're still probably short!

Best regards...


Have a love, dating, relationship, sex or man/woman question? You can write to me by going to: http://beingaman.com/ask_question.asp for answers. For more information about my books, "Being a Man in a Woman's Worldtm" (volumes I and II), and other products visit: http://www.beingaman.com. Check out the discussion group at: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/beingaman.

Copyright (c) 2007, Dr. Dennis W. Neder

All rights reserved.


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Single Parents Dating: Its Time for you to Move On

Becoming a single parent is not the end of the globe. It doesnt mean that you will shut all doors closed from dating an individual else. Single parents also have to go out on a date for them to unwind and unwind from their heavy part as a mother and father. Single parents dating or going out is healthier.

Single parent dating pals.

In the event you consider youre not able to enter into a brand new relationship, dating old time friends is definitely an choice for you. Youll be able to say for your close friends items that you simply cannot say to your household or relatives. Buddies also can advise you if you are spoiling your youngster. Close friends may also be a superb support anytime youll need aid within your operate and at property.

Single parents dating prospects.

But should you believe that youre prepared for an additional critical partnership, it is possible to do so but much better be careful the following time around. Single parents dating once again must be much more careful and cautious for the sake of their youngster and their self.

Single parents who want to go out on a date may do so with support from a buddy. Greater assess yourself initial for those who have the time to accommodate a date along with your humongous tasks at hand. Dont say yes if you have not set your schedule yet. Bear in mind that you are not simply a mother but also the father of ones youngster. You will need to strategy ahead of a week should you are genuinely eager to find a date.

Single parents dating once more really feel the thrill and worry of wanting to discover adore once again. But youll need to understand a lot more regarding the person. Finding enjoy needs time. To avoid committing blunders once again, evaluate your dates character. Youll need to ensure that your selected partner also can provide nurturing and enjoy to your kid. Yes, maybe he loves you but did he love your kid too?

Prospects of single parents dating.

Single parents must assess their self. They need to know what type of relationship they want. They ought to also talk to their youngster or youngsters if they want to have a new dad or mom. Listen to your kid if theyre able to have an addition to your household.

What to perform when on a date?

To ensure that you simply will have a exciting and secure date, make someone know where are you currently going and who is your date. Let a person know what time they are going to anticipate you property. Never forget to bring along your mobile telephone in case of emergency and for straightforward access to you.

Single parents dating ought to steer clear of watching motion pictures simply because you happen to be nevertheless in getting-to-know you stage. Watching motion pictures needs silence whilst munching your popcorn and sipping your soda. You cant know the guy this way. His family background, his likes and dislikes, his plans and ambitions, you would not know in the event you are only watching motion pictures. It truly is far better to date in public places should you are dating for the first time.

When is the acceptable time for single parents to go out on a date?

Single parents dating for the second time uncover it difficult to tell their youngsters especially if theyre a widow or perhaps a divorcee. They have to think about the feelings of their children. They must make certain that their children can cope up with this new atmosphere.

Single parents often make a mistake Looking to fuck Charlotte by getting into within a partnership so soon soon after the death of the husband or even a divorce since they feel alone and require an individual who can bring back their smile once again. Coping from a lost loved a single is a lengthy healing procedure. It really is advised that widow need to take two years approximately to enter into a brand new partnership. To get a divorced man or woman, it really is advised to entertain a suitor at the very least six months to one particular year or until all legal matters which includes estate, house, insurance coverage matters has been settled from previous partnership.

When single parents jump into a significant dating, they should be cautious with their actions to lessen the danger of conflict with their kids. Keep in mind that you are not the only one who had suffered loss in the past but in addition your kids. Just make sure before entering into a date, you might be able to handle challenging circumstance like introducing you new partner for your youngsters and what will you do if your youngsters resent your new partner.

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Adult Dating Guidance: 5 Most significant World wide web Adult Dating Mistakes

Adult Dating right after a divorce is difficult. You don t fairly know where to start so right here are a number of web Adult Dating mistakes and their options.

1. Too considerably too soon

So youve been ploughing via those endless profiles in your net Adult Dating internet site and have come up with an individual who interests you. There has been an exchange of emails. He sounds entertaining and witty and also you begin to look forward to his messages. You locate yourself getting up earlier inside the morning just to log on whilst you drink your coffee to find out if he has sent a response for your most recent remarks. Through the day you compile witty replies in your head and suggestive lines to throw his way. This has gone on for any couple of weeks and he all of a sudden asks if he can get in touch with you. Your chest expands; youre genuinely excited and arrange a time. Now you happen to be curled up in your favourite chair waiting for the contact. Guess what it goes nicely, exactly the same light banter, his voice is just not what you count on but that is OK. You speak for an hour. This becomes a everyday ritual

which you begin to strategy your time about. And after that he invites you to dinner...

2. Throwing money at it

It has been a whilst because someone invited you out to dinner (you may be just beginning Adult Dating after your divorce). Your quick thought is what to put on, want my hair completed and so on. This means that you simply commit the top component of per week operating about using the 1 thought inside your mind I must get this rigt . You look to possess disappeared and also you feel that you just need to invent a new person to go on this date. To be able to be that person you have to package yourself in some certain way. There have to be some essential that you can find, a certain dress, new haircut and so on. You think that you just ought to make oneself much more attractive.

3. Thinking that you simply know the person

The evening has arrived and also you meet in the arranged restaurant (very good step, as all the Adult Dating advice recommends that you just meet within a public spot). You happen to be specially nervous and excited but also slightly uncomfortable simply because the footwear are new and you really feel a bit wobbly in them. Its strange you recognise this person but in the same time you don t. The voice you know that but he does not look just like the particular person inside the photograph, taller, shorter a bit heavier or gangly anything isnt as you imagined. Anyway he appears fairly at ease but maybe that is certainly just a contrast to how youre feeling. Initially conversation is going well as there are points of contact from your previous conversations but it isn t going anyplace. By the main course youre beginning to drink just a little also considerably to fill in the silences. Your feet genuinely hurt now and also you are taking surreptitious glances at your watch only 9 o clock. No dessert thanks and by the way youve an early start inside the office tomorrow so youve got to go quickly. Can t believe of anything but acquiring out in the shoes. Yes it was very good, do get in touch with me

4. Fantasy it s only in your head

Next day or later inside the week, the emails/calls are still coming and you continue to respond. It s a even though youve by no means met and also you can get on with all the straightforward going repartee which has become nearly a habit. Within your mind he is some thing you would like him to be, well not very but you can have oneself believe that he is while you exchange messages and late evening calls. Youre beginning to create a entire life within your head around this individual, you think about where it is possible to live with him, what youll do, holidays with each other the truth is everything you ever want witsomeone. That is taking up lots of head space but that is certainly enjoyable in itself, you feelconnected to an individual if only within your mind.

5. Not paying interest to the signals

A week or so much more and you are becoming slightly irritated by the emails and arent responding fairly so readily. But he asks you if you would like to come out for another evening and that heart leaps to your throat once more. You agree although there is certainly a vague memory of discomfort from th 1st meeting. Nicely you remind yourself that all of the Adult Dating guidance recommends that its about obtaining to understand a person. I can t expect to feel comfy about almost everything right away. Hes suggesting dinner once again, you don t truly desire to but you are not certain what you would like to complete so you go in addition to it. You had arranged to view a girl-friend that evening but you inform her you can t make it, she appears a bit put-out but you put that thought aside.

The second evening appears extremely extended.

Too considerably also soon It truly is so tempting to put all your focus on one individual at a time if you are hunting to date on the internet. However it is essential to dont forget that not simply are all those men and women available seeking at many men and women at any a single time but you could be also. In the event you put most of your time and power into any 1 make contact with at an extremely early stage this means which you cant scout, screen and sort other achievable men and women. Adult Dating Advice: Don t make a massive investment emotionally in any relationship with no strong foundations.

Throwing cash at it - Recent research has revealed that online daters are spending up to 1,500 a month taking out people that they realise, after the initial 15 minutes arent for them. (Independent, June 2005) Keep in mind be genuine, the packaging is only that and is just not who you might be. Meeting to get a cup of coffee or perhaps a drink will give you adequate time to assess whether or not this individual is a person you need to know better.

Adult Dating Advice: Packaging is just not the answer, be clear about who you are, what you want in a relationship and set about locating it in a deemed way.

Thinking you understand this person We can simply be seduced by e-mail conversations and late night phone calls. Aside from the actual chemistry that is certainly missing in these exchanges theres that element which you know very properly your self, where you simply reveal what you desire at any offered time. Should you know what your specifications are within a connection this can enable you to assess very quikly if this particular person is for you personally. Most of us permit factors to just drift along and usually are not pro-active in getting a strategy for ourselves in terms of relationships.

Adult Dating Tips: How is it we program for every thing except relationships? Take some time for you to program what you desire in a relationship before you get into a habit or rut with an individual.

Fantasy it s only within your head It is quite effortless to reside within the fantasy of a partnership even from an extremely early stage. Following all that is why you have signed up on the Adult Dating internet site inside the initial location you need a connection. Even so, being truthful with your self is less difficult in case you have a connection plan. Then you definitely can http://www.tartonlinedatingintown.xyz ask oneself, from the data you might have so far, does this person tick a number of my boxes. If so then you can continue to discover http://www.timeout.com/newyork/sex-dating far more about them while finding out about other individuals in the same time. Projecting onto any a single person, especially at a really early stage, all you hopes and dreams is probably to bring you some quantity of pain and heartache once you discover this isn t going to work out.

Adult Dating Guidance: Spread the emotional load by providing your attention to a number of people, it aids take care of the ups and downs from the Adult Dating cycle should you will not be exclusive proper from the start

Not paying adequate focus to the signals it really is incredible how quickly we can get ourselves into habits and relationships, nevertheless new, are certainly one of these places. All of us like attention and get in touch with with people but what concerning the rest of your life, those pals who have been around for you personally, your family members. Any person who may be for you will, you hope, desire to share life using a person who features a balanced life and that includes each of the other activities and men and women in your life. Straining towards exclusivity at an extremely early stage and throwing all your time and interest towards the connection could be a disaster.

Adult Dating Suggestions: Get around and have any Adult Dating and relationships fit in with your life as a profitable single. Know what your specifications, requirements and wants are and look for a person who can meet these.

2006 Trisha Stone


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What Queries Ought to You Be sure to Ask Your On the web Adult Dating E-friend?

On the internet Adult Dating can be really entertaining and gratifying.

Because its inception, online Adult Dating had continuously brought two individuals with each other in spite in the fact that theyre worlds apart, with lands and waters separating them. Online Adult Dating made bridges to connect men and women together, get pleasure from each other, and construct dreams with each other.

Nevertheless, youll find situations wherein folks do not just connect to an online Adult Dating web site and immediately locate somebody whom they could share the rest of their lives with.

On-line Adult Dating is really a continuous, systematic method. It entails cautious collection of words, pictures, and representations in the individual involved to be able to get the best results. Additionally, from the time they get to find somebody they think they are compatible with, the procedure continues as they get to understand each other through a series of messages, chats, along with other kinds of communication.

In addition to this comes the careful choice of words utilised and messages conveyed in order to establish organic, free-flowing, yet enlightening conversations. They are not only mere exchange of words and phrases but a lot more on the verge of acquiring to know each other.

Therefore, it truly is very important to understand which queries to ask in order that the person can get a greater sense of who the other particular person is on the other side of the virtual screen.

Listed below are a number of the questions that 1 ought to ask to their on the internet Adult Dating e-friend in an effort to assess the character as well as the attitude on the other person. These concerns are especially inclined to supply the essential information relating to an individual s individual conviction on specific matters and his or her own preferences on factors.

Those that are involved in on the internet Adult Dating just must bear in mind that when asking these concerns, they ought to make it seem really natural so that theyre going to not sound like they may be becoming confrontational.

Furthermore, those who will ask these questions ought to be confident that theyre also prepared to answer the same.

1. Whats the major error that individuals make when on the web Adult Dating for the initial time?

This question will illustrate some thought about how the other person views the opposite sex. In this way, a single could get an insight around the attitude on the other person and their personal beliefs on some crucial matters like Adult Dating and relationships.

2. What are you currently looking for inside a guy/girl?

With this query, a person can get hold on the qualities that the other individual is hunting for in a companion.

Even so, a single should take note of how the other person tries to answer the query. If inside the event that he or she replies with all the usual sense of humor, odds are, the other particular person has not however thought in regards to the answer.

three. Whats a genuinely successful partnership?

One could get a superb view on how the other particular person values relationship. It will be much better to hear the other particular person supply an answer concerning how the two persons who are involved within the partnership need to function with each other as they grow and have a much better sense of personality.

four. What is your view on on-line Adult Dating services?

By means of this question, a person will likely be able to know in the event the other individual had some serious damaging expertise concerning on the internet Adult Dating or the other way about. Moreover, through the answers from the other particular person, one particular could guess if she or he continues to be willing to think about on the web Adult Dating or not.

5. Did you fail on your last connection?

Most people would definitely blame the other person inside the connection. Other people blame their selves as well considerably. It could be better to hear some answers like they (the couple) equally share the blame and that its just time for you to portion approaches.

The point in asking these queries would be to establish a strong foundation around the type of personality and attitude the other individual has. Its when keeping the communication line open that matters most.

The problem having a large amount of people involved in on the internet Adult Dating is the fact that most of them dont have any notion the way to carry the conversation and the best way to hold the lines burning. They usually do not know what inquiries Click the next website page to ask and how to assess the answers that they get.

Boiled down, asking some trustworthy concerns will give the individual an edge over a great deal of things. Therefore, she or he will likely be capable to assert that when the time comes that they have to meet personally, the concerned person will be able to face their online date.


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